i looked at the books sitting on her shelf.
"really?" i said.
(i say this a lot.)
i don't take you for a twilight girl.
(whatever that is)
i mean i'm quite obsessed with the vampire craze,
possibly because i've had a thing for vampires since, interview with...
but twilight i just don't understand,
possibly because i am not a 13 year old- boy crazed- child
jackie did not let me leave without book in hand.
ok ok ok. i like books. a lot actually.
how awful could this large print pre-teen obsession be?
i'm in love.
i can't put them down.
and it wasn't until this very moment,
as i finished page 600 something.
as i read that very last word.
(of eclipse that is)
that it clicked.
i am head over heels out of control in love with edward.
and to my dismay
(because she is not my favorite all the time)
i am bella.
things i thought, things i felt, things i said i'd never do.
then i met him.
just like bella's "one."
(i dont care what theyre trying to push with love for jacob)
rockstar husband is essentially edward.
he speaks like him.
in his romantic poetry.
(altho ben tries to hide it more)
and he would literally die and kill for my happiness.
not just to save me from being hurt physically,
but just to put a smile on my face.
dont read into this.
i am in no way saying that our situation is their situation.
(as much as i wish we had an eternity @ 25)
but it explains how i felt what i felt.
and why i shed tears as though the words crept off the page and jumped into my life.
we have been through a world of things in our years.
some that made us stronger.
and some that made us want to tear out the others heart.
which essentially.... made us stronger.
things not to discuss here in blog world.
(as much as i love you all dearly.)
most importantly.. pre him
young as i was, there was no such thing as marriage in my future.
i was a committment phob.
i didn't carry a boyfriend longer than a month.
nevermind the thought of a ring on my finger.
even when i did fall in love with the now husband
i knew marriage was in our future.
but it seemed to me thats all it would ever be,
a make believe day that would be thought about
but never acted upon
so much so i used to threaten him not to ask me to marry him
i just wasn't ready.
then it hit us.
he would be working 2 hours away for months.
and staying there.
aka us not seeing each other for sometimes weeks at a time.
not my happiest moments.
in nervousness of losing each other,
and the proof of how much our love meant to each other.
it wasnt like how our friends had loved in the past.
this was "it"
this is what fairy tales bragged about for so long.
and here it was.
right inside of us.
and thats when he asked.
when we needed it most.
as proof to ourselves.
that what we had was real.
i in no way reacted as bella did.
i sang from the rooftops.
( and i was completely taken off guard)
something i never thought i wanted
was something that felt as if it was the only thing i wanted.
i loved him.
more than any girl had ever loved any boy
(in my head anyway)
we were romeo & juliet
corey & tapanga?
no not quite.
(altho we are reffered to as them at times)
(story for another day)
edward & bella.
these books are more than words on pages.
theyre feelings of pain, hurt, love, passion,
& everything you have ever felt.
all wrapped in each sentence.