Life

I just can't say it enough.
I absolutely love being a mom.
I've been thinking a lot about it lately.
I love waking up to her in the morning.
I love when she say mama when she is so so excited.
I love when she cries mama as if I'm the only one who will make it all better.
I love that smile with all those little teeth.
I love the feeling I get when I realize how imortant my life is now.
I hold her life in my hands.
I was told month 8 baby fever for #2 will kick in.
Month 8 came and went.
Nothing.
Well, month 11......
I am burning up.
It's all I can think about.
Part of me knows we're not there, yet.
The other part of me is absolutely dying inside knowing there's not another peanut growing there.
But I'm scared.
It doesn't feel possible for me to love anyone the way I love summer.
It can't be.
She is the reason for every smile that crosses my face.
Am I ready to give up all our mommy and me time?
Is it fair to her?
Am I ready for the sleepless nights, the complete dependency,
the newborness all over again?
Summer is independent, walks where she wants to go, comuunicates to us what she needs.
She eats "big people" food.
She's near perfect where she's at.

Maybe her being so amazing makes it worse.
How much more fun would it be to have 2 bursts of amazing running around the house?